Gunny's Gouge

Monday, 21 April 2008

Resolved?
Topic: PTSD

Well I just got done talking to the Navy Doc again today concerning my PTSD issues; after a two hour session I thought that it was quite a breakthrough for him to ask me if I felt my condition was resolved.

How do I know? I told him that evaluation of my condition was part of his skill set, not mine; I also told him truthfully that, living inside this thing, I could say that I had learned coping skills that I did not know nineteen months ago when I returned from Iraq.

So am I "resolved"?

Well, I know that I can cope with the occasional dream or frustrating feeling better than I could last year. When this first began, I had no idea how to live with, much less get rid of, these intense feelings or emotions. Yes, my condition is resolved.

Resolved implies many things. It does not mean that I will never again have a bad day, or a bad dream; it does not always mean that I will handle myself in the correct manner when it comes to getting angry or frustrated. It means that I now recognize my condition and have skills that will help me travel through the rough patches and come out on the other side a whole and balanced person.

I still get the creeps when I am in a big crowd. I still jump at really loud (unexpected) noises. I still loose my temper and yell sometimes. I will probably always be dealing with the emotions that come from my life experiences; some days I may not want to be around anyone else besides another veteran. But, I know these feelings. When they are inappropriate, I can addresss them. I can talk to my wife or my close friends. I can blog my emotions into the ether that is the world wide web. I can pray for more grace and more patience. I can live with this without regret for having been a Marine.

You're welcome America and, I love you.

VRS

Mike

Posted by The Anderson Family at 3:50 PM EDT
Updated: Saturday, 26 April 2008 1:32 PM EDT
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Monday, 21 April 2008 - 10:13 PM EDT

Name: "Jimmy"
Home Page: http://www.45-1.blogspot.com

Glad you were able to see a specialist. I'll be heading that way on the 12 of May. I think it's interesting the wording that he chose to use: "Resolved." Sounds to me like he's fishing for a "110% cured" rating for the VA. I'd be careful with how you reply. Strike that: sounds like your reply was great.

It's interesting the coping mechanisms we develop. If it were a physical wound, such as shrapnel to the thigh, we would develop a limp; however, we've been wounded in the mind, and have to develop a "limp" to cope with that wound. Some people choose alcohol or drugs; others discover different (and safer) methods.

On a side note, I have a friend who does Christian Yoga. I've never been too interested in Yoga, (lots of reasons) but he gave me some exercises to try. One of the most interesting was a breathing exercise; I gotta tell you the truth, bro, that calmed me down and for the first time in a long time, I felt very relaxed. I'm going to look further into Christian Yoga as an alternative to normal counseling (and drugs; they tried Prozac, bad move!!!) It might be something for you to consider as well!

Jimmy

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Monday, 21 April 2008 - 10:31 PM EDT

Name: "Gunnz"
Home Page: http://www.angelfire.com/sc/anderklan/militarymuttering

Jimmy,

I think that the doctor was trying to find out how I felt about being deployed again...as in returning to full duty. I told him I wasn't done being a Marine yet and that I still had 4 years or more to carry my pack. I told him I didn't want to shirk my duty and use this as a crutch to get out of deployment or to get out of my enlistment.

Coping. That's what I am going to be doing for the rest of my life when it comes to handling my reactions to Iraq. I am very glad that I found some vets like you to talk to, I am glad I can talk to Sallie and blog.

I think, without my walk with Jesus, I would be much more of a mess than I am right now, and I think he (Jesus) understands just where I am at.

Can you send me some info on Christian meditation? Thanks Bro.

Mike

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Tuesday, 22 April 2008 - 12:27 AM EDT

Name: "Jimmy"

I definitely hear you... without Jesus, I'd be in a terrible place. And, reading your reply (and re-reading your blog) I realized what was going on. SOrry for being so dense!

As for the Christian meditation, I'll be sending you info via email, when I get my hands on it!

S/F

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Tuesday, 22 April 2008 - 12:54 AM EDT

Name: "Gunnz"

I've read your blog, I would call you anything but dense brother. The Doctor has my blog address because he was asking questions about how it has helped me to write out my feelings and how to suggest this "therapy" to others...so he will probably see this post and our replies.

No I am not fixed. I don't ever think you can go back to the way you were before you experienced the realities of war. But I have learned how to balance my life and my responses and am willing to continue as a Marine. Even guys with a "limp" can still carry their packs; the pack may be lighter, or it may take more effort to carry it but it can be done.

Isaiah 40:31~ They that wait upon the Lord sahll renew their strength; they shall mount up on wings as eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.

I can only make it in God's power and with his grace.

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Mike

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