I will be the first to admit that when I was first on my own as a young adult that I was a pretty naive and a gullible young fool. I did a lot of things wrong and only by the grace of God in maintaining His hedge of protection around me did my life not take a different path! I am very thankful for all of his providential wisdom in keeping my paths straight!

I knew how to cook and clean when Mike and I got married and all the basics like that but I didn't really know much about organizing my time (Mike would argue that I still fail in this part miserably.. thankfully he loves me anyway) and being a good wife and mother. I don't think those things just come naturally at all. I think you need good mentors to help teach you. Sometimes that is your own mother, sister, aunt, friend. Other times it is the strangers who God puts in your life. My stranger was Miss Jackie, the wife of a retired Marine Master Gunz. Her husband was an old, tough-as-nails kind of guy. You know the gritty true Marine type, right?! She had plenty of life experience living with him so she knew perfectly well how to keep all us young wives in order at church and others places. Miss Jackie was my momma away from home and I still look at her with much love and respect every time I see her :-)

Anytime that I became too much of a whiner (which wasn't often...I don't think), she would forcefully but kindly tell me I needed to tough up!  I took her training so much to heart that when I went in to labor with Jesse at church one evening, she started timing contractions from where she was sitting. When the service was over she told me "I know I told you to tough up, but I didn't tell you to be an idiot. You better get yourself to the hospital NOW!" He was born less than an hour after we got there :-)

I recently met up with Miss Jackie again at a wedding we attended in South Carolina. We sat together at the reception and talked and talked and talked. I felt truly blessed to still be able to call her my momma away from home. She's one of those few old souls that I've connected with over the years that, no matter how far away we live or how far between visits, still connect as if we've never lived apart from each other. She will always hold a very special place in my heart as the first really good Christian woman (and Marine wife) mentor that I ever had. Thank you Miss Jackie for teaching this young gullible fool a thing or two about the world. I love you!!

Sallie

I didn't realize until this morning how long it has been since I have posted. I highly doubt anyone was waiting with bated breath for me to post, but I am sorry for staying gone so long :-)

We drove south last weekend (family visit/wedding/pretty drives to enjoy) and north the weekend before (friends to meet/museum to see/pretty drives to enjoy) and, quite honestly, I just haven't had much to say. I'm thinking on many things but just feel like its best not to put too much of it into actual readable words just yet. There is still pondering, praying, and learning to do :-)

I'm not just catching up with blogging but emails, too, and I read this from a friend this morning (Thanks Michelle!!). I thought I'd share it with ya'll. The author is unknown (at least to me and whoever sent the original email) but as Michelle said, it had to be written by someone who knows!

Hope you enjoy!!

MILITARY WIFE

Lots of moving... 
Moving... 
Moving... 
Moving far from home... 
Moving two cars, three kids and one dog...all riding with HER of course. 
Moving sofas to basements because they won't go in THIS house; 
Moving curtains that won't fit;
Moving jobs and certifications and professional development hours.
Moving away from friends;
Moving toward new friends;
Moving her most important luggage: her trunk full of memories. 

Often waiting...
Waiting...
Waiting...
Waiting for housing.
Waiting for orders.
Waiting for deployments.
Waiting for phone calls.
Waiting for reunions. 
Waiting for the new curtains to arrive. 
Waiting for him to come home, 
For dinner...AGAIN! 
 
They call her 'Military Dependent', but she knows better:
She is fiercely In-Dependent. 
 
She can balance a check book; 
Handle the yard work; 
Fix a noisy toilet; 
Bury the family pet... 
 
She is intimately familiar with drywall anchors and toggle bolts.
She can file the taxes; 
Sell a house; 
Buy a car; 
Or set up a move... 
.....all with ONE Power of Attorney. 
 
She welcomes neighbors that don't welcome her. 
She reinvents her career with every PCS; 
Locates a house in the desert, The Arctic, Or the deep south. 
And learns to call them all 'home'. 
She MAKES them all home. 
 
Military Wives are somewhat hasty... 
They leap into: 
Decorating, 
Leadership, 
Volunteering, 
Career alternatives, 
Churches, 
And friendships. 
They don't have 15 years to get to know people. 
Their roots are short but flexible. 
They plant annuals for themselves and perennials for those who
 come after them. 
 
Military Wives quickly learn to value each other: 
They connect over coffee, 
Rely on the spouse network, 
Accept offers of friendship and favors. 
Record addresses in pencil... 
 
Military Wives have a common bond: 
The Military Wife has a husband unlike other husbands; his
commitment is unique. 
He doesn't have a 'JOB' 
He has a 'MISSION' that he can't just decide to quit... 
He's on-call for his country 24/7. 
But for her, he's the most unreliable guy in town! 
His language is foreign 
TDY 
PCS 
OPR 
SOS 
ACC 
BDU 
ACU 
BAR 
CIB 
TAD 
ABU 
And so, a Military Wife is a translator for her family and his. 
She is the long- distance link to keep them informed; 
the glue that holds them together. 
 
A Military Wife has her moments: 
She wants to wring his neck; 
Dye his uniform pink; 
Refuse to move to Siberia; 
But she pulls herself together. 
Give her a few days, 
A travel brochure, 
A long hot bath, 
A pledge to the flag, 
A wedding picture, 
And she goes. 
She packs. 
She moves. 
She follows. 
 
Why? 
What for? 
How come? 
You may think it is because she has lost her mind. 
But actually it is because she has lost her heart. 
It was stolen from her by a man, 
Who puts duty first, 
Who longs to deploy, 
Who salutes the flag, 
And whose boots in the doorway remind her that as long as he is her Military Husband, 
She will remain his military wife. 
And would have it no other way. 
 
~ Author Unknown

Sallie

As a military wife there are certain things that bring around tearful emotions more than others: songs such as The Star Spangled Banner, God Bless America, and Amazing Grace; a flag-draped coffin;  the site of a Vietnam veteran walking up and thanking your spouse for their service.

This past Thursday, Thanksgiving Day, another site brought tears to my eyes as we were leaving our base -- three buses loaded with Marines leaving for deployment. The Marines leaving wasn't what brought the tears to my eyes. After-all, it is their job. They signed up for it and, in a way, so did their families. Anyone who has volunteered to serve in recent years knows we are war. By the same token, any of the current military members who re-enlisted after September 11th knew we'd be at war for a long time. Deploying to a foreign land to fight a war these days comes as no surprise to any member of the Armed Forces or their families! It is simply a fact of life.

The thing that brought tears to my eyes was the occasion of the departure from the base, a holiday. The sight of the buses flooded my mind with memories of all the holidays our family has been without my husband at home. He has missed countless birthdays, Christmases, Thanksgivings, and anniversaries. As a matter of fact, we did not celebrate an anniversary together for the first 10 years of our marriage.  We understood that it wasn't as if the Marine Corps was out to get us... our marriage never would have lasted if we allowed ourselves to think that way... it's just the way things are when you choose to live this lifestyle.

I can't say that I've never felt like a single mom. That would be a lie. But I can say that I've never felt alone. Even when my husband is deployed, I never make large family decisions without his input. Deployment may actually work as an advantage because it gives us plenty of time to think! My husband may not physically be present but he is an active and engaged member of our family even when he may be six or ten thousand miles away.

More than that though, God has always been with Mike and I, guiding us in the steps we've taken throughout our lives. I have seen His handprint all over my husbands career path, and so I know this is His will for our lives.

He placed my husband and I together in marriage -- total opposites with more out of common than in.

He placed my husband in the military -- an old guy (by military standards) who had given up any hope of being able to serve his country in the military.

That means that together as husband and wife -- the Gunny and the Mrs. -- we are exactly where we are supposed to be!

Who can argue with that?!

Several scriptures have helped clear my thoughts as a military wife when I begin to wonder if God really does know what he is doing, especially on holidays when my dear husband has been far away from us.

Proverbs 16:9 The mind of man plans his way; But the LORD directs his steps.

Jeremiah 29:11 'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans for welfare and not calamity to give you a future and a hope.'

Psalm 121:1-8 I lift up my eyes to the hills - where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip - he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The LORD watches over you - the LORD is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. The LORD will keep you from all harm - he will watch over your life; the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.

We all have choices in life. We choose to live as a military family. It is not an easy one... maybe even one of the hardest ones out there... but it is our life and we serve it humbly and gladly.

This is my first participation in Sheila Gregoires Wifey Wednesday meme. To view more posts similar to this one, please visit her blog at To Love, Honor and Vacuum. You can also follow Sheila on Twitter @SheilaGregoire

Sallie

This article was written for another site I write at back in April of 2008, after our friend Lance had deployed to Iraq. I thought of it today as I read the many homecoming signs hanging on the fence up the road from our house. May its words of mentor-ship speak as loudly to you today as they did to others over a year ago...

-----------------------------------------------------

We said goodbye tonight and as much as our hearts ache, we know that we can only pray for safety and wisdom. Our dear friend, Lance, will be on the ground in Iraq very soon and we must commit his care unto the Lord. He has spent many Friday nights, sometimes Sunday afternoons, at our house playing games, watching movies, and fellowshipping with us over home cooked meals. In the months since August of last year, he became a part of our family. By the time he returns home, we will have moved to our new base across the country. We don't know when we will see each other again, or if ever. We can only allow the peace of God to comfort our hearts and bring a calmness to our spirits.

As we stood outside the armory saying our good-byes to Lance and other fine warriors preparing to go off to do their part in this Long War, a young wife asked me "Is this your husbands first deployment?" I told her no, he'd been gone seven times already in his career, two to Iraq, and he wasn't actually leaving this time since we were preparing to move to a new base within the month. She wanted to know how I do it... does it get easier... and I had to be honest with her. She deserved nothing less. I said, "No, it doesn't. Each deployment offers you a new set of circumstances. You just have to put on a bit of a thick skin and do it. Keep yourself busy. Go to church. Study your Bible. He isn't leaving to get away from you. It's a job. That's how you have to look at it for him. That's how you have to look at it for you. You adapt and you learn. You find something about yourself you haven't been happy with and you take this time to work on it and make changes to fix it. You make yourself a better person for both of you. It makes the time go faster and before you know it, you are celebrating his safe return."

These words have become my standard mantra when speaking with young wives. They aren't necessarily the words of wisdom you find in a military wives instruction manual. Instead, they originate from real life on the job training that will always have an appropriate application in our lives. It is nice to imagine, for our own peace of mind if nothing else, that experience makes it easier. However, real life will teach you that there isn't any magical bit of pixie dust that makes the third deployment feel any easier than the first, or the seventh for that matter. You just make it work. Our mothers did it for Vietnam and Korea. Our grandmothers did it in World War II and Korea, our great-grandmothers in WW I. Military service, whether in peacetime or war, isn't anything new and many generations have gone before us. Those were the ladies of good, strong stock! They had the thickest of skins and they worked hard to keep their families together, sometimes through depression and drought, while the men folk were off winning the battles. Honestly, we have it pretty easy in this day and age thanks to the many advances in technology that make communication more easily accessible. We just weren't brought up in a generation that readily recognizes and accepts that fact! Many times we have our own wars that rage at home but they are usually quite minimal compared to what our spouses face.

I didn't share with this young wife these thoughts to discourage her but to MENTOR and train her now so that she doesn't learn through disappointment to hate the life of being a military wife. I had a great mentor, Jackie Solze, when I was a very young Marine wife and her words of wisdom have stuck with me throughout my husband's military career. Ms. Jackie always told me "Tough up, Sallie" when she caught me in my whining, "woe-is-me" mode. As is normal with military families, I did not have my mama living a few blocks away who could tell me how to get stains out of laundry, or to teach me the difference between basil and oregano and thyme, or other such pertinent life altering (I thought) lessons. It wasn't always convenient to call home for advice. I needed a mentor who could answer my questions and who would understand MY situation. Ms. Jackie was just that sort of person. She taught me what was important in keeping my home. She taught me what was important in finding the right sort of friends. She taught me what was important in raising my children in this 'here and there, come and go, home is where the military sends you' lifestyle. Don't get me wrong: she didn't always say "tough up, tough up, tough up". She just always knew what to say and how to say it. She said it with kindness when kindness was needed. She said it with compassion when compassion was needed. And, yes, she said it with strength and force when that was needed as well.

In the Bible we are given an example of what good mentor-ship looks like. Titus 2 gives us the example of older women mentoring and training younger women. It consists of two parts. First, the older wives must be taught properly how to live, with reverence to God, and without gossiping or having addictions. Secondly, after they have learned these things, then they will be able to teach what good things they have learned to the younger wives. Naturally, in most instances, the experience of life has taught us what works and what doesn't work. Titus 2:4-5 says "Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God."

We don't mentor in order to raise our egos up a notch, or to somehow prove that we are better than anyone else. We don't, as experienced wives, hold ourselves in esteem above younger wives. We've just been there already and in many cases learned our lessons the hard way. We have first learned so that we may share our experiences of life with others. Our calling... that certain maturity which age and experience has given us... is to be a guiding light that shines an easier pathway for our younger, less experienced counterparts. Our reward is that they then will mentor and guide the next young generation of wives. In this continuing cycle of the military lifestyle, we grow and seek to better each other while also bettering ourselves. We meld together the camouflage fabric of our lives until one day, perhaps even 16 years or more from now, a older wife will be heard saying to a younger wife that she once had a mentor who taught her and that her name was Sallie.

Sallie

Tonight is our Marine Corps Birthday Ball. I always enjoy getting dressed up in a formal and doing something special with hair and make-up. My daughter is a GREAT help with all of this frou-frou-feminine stuff :-)

Here are a few pics of me getting ready today. You'll have to wait until tomorrow to see the full outfit..

First the hair gets twisted and braided and pinned into something that looks very pretty. I have beads and lace on my blouse so won't be wearing any fancy jewelry so decided to put a vintage brooch in my hair!

Next, we do the make up and really make the blue eyes sparkle with a bit of smokiness!

And, just because I like to be a bit different and have my own little secrets, I paint my toenails blue :-)

Hmmm.. I wonder what he'll think!!

Sallie